Get me off this thing

Here I am again, fighting the sudden and nagging urge to tear my flesh off again. I want to stab my eyes out with a pen. I want to peel the skin off my face. I want to tear myself wide open similar to cutting open a cat in the process of dissecting it.

Fuck.

And like that, it is gone.

This never-ending cycle of extreme highs and the lowest lows has to be tied to something. The hypochondriac in me says, manic-depressive disorder. Or maybe its the lymes? Or maybe im just fucking crazy.

Either way, it is not normal to feel this way. Although the lows are less than they were 3 months ago, I still have  this frequent urge to severely disfigure myself.

I want this to stop.

I need to get the fuck off this merry go round of anguish.

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